Ah, the Subtleties of Language

The following conversation took place as I was reading Geronimo Stilton to Cayden.  The book was naming some Native American tribes, and mentioned Crazy Horse.

Me: Did you notice that your stuffed horse is named Crazy?  Like Crazy Horse?

Cayden: He's not a horse.  He's a donkey.

(pause)

Cayden: He's an ass.

(pause)

Cayden: His name is Crazy Ass.

back to her old tricks

As I mentioned earlier, Josie's new favorite thing is her pair of red sunglasses. For the past week or so, she's had them on almost all the time. One day when I got her up from her nap, she was wearing them and Andrew said that she had them on when her put her down as well. Whether or not she wore them while she was asleep, we will never know.

(But we assume so.)

Earlier this morning as I was desperately trying to burn CDs of the past 8 months' worth of pictures (all 5000 of them) because our computer may or may not be about to implode (!), Josie kept trying to get me to wear her sunglasses. She kept climbing up into my lap and putting them right in my face. Despite the fact that they are ridiculously too small for my head, I put them on for a few minutes but told her they were too dirty to see anything out of, so I had to take them off. That seemed like explanation enough for her so she went about her day.

After naptime, in our mad dash to get out the house to pick up Avery & Cayden at school, Jojo couldn't find her precious sunglasses. She doesn't like to leave the house without them, but they were nowhere to be found. She had to settle for lugging around a Fisher Price school bus (and Bear of course), not really a close second.

When we got home (are you wondering where I'm going with this yet?), she was enjoying an afternoon snack with Cayden and his two friends when she accidentally spilled her smoothie on the floor and subsequently dropped Bear into the puddle. He barely got any smoothie on him, but she was concerned nonetheless. A quick wipe of the washcloth and he was fine.

Until (I'm getting there, slowly)... it was time to bring Cayden to baseball practice and Bear was gone. Not upstairs, not downstairs, and not in any of Josie's normal hiding spots. Again she had to settle for a second choice companion for the car ride (a meerkat to go along with the school bus). And with that, we officially had a mystery on our hands--a missing pair of sunglasses and a missing Bear.

When we got home, I was sure I'd find Bear in the basement somewhere, so I brought a load of laundry down since I was making the trip anyway (does everyone else have an endless stack of laundry waiting to be run, or is it just me?). As soon as I opened the washer, the mystery was immediately solved and it all made sense when I could hear Josie squeal, "Bear Bear, sunglasses ALL CLEAN!!" She grabbed Bear and sniffed him, just like she does when he's been through an actual wash cycle and put the sunglasses on, reaffirming that they were all clean.

She had heard me say the sunglasses were too dirty to see through, and had been so concerned about Bear getting smoothie on him that she decided to wash them both. If only she had remembered that plan while we were looking for the treasures all day. Sigh.

nekkidness

For the past week or so, Josie has been delighted with by the task of unzipping (and occasionally removing) her pajamas. This morning she took that idea one step further by removing all of her clothes. And her diaper. While I was in the shower. I knew when I heard her running through the house yelling "uh oh, uh oh" that something had gone awry.

I exited the bathroom to see her naked as a jaybird, wearing nothing but a pair of sunglasses (her newest must-have fashion accessory) and toting around Bear, blanket, Kitty & Mouse. The funny part about it was that she immediately asked for her diaper and clothes back on. She had no interest at all in staying naked. Just removing her clothes.

see a battle?

I lost track of where I was with my Spring Break count because we actually managed to go on a mini-vacation! We headed up to Seattle (or "see a battle" as Cayden kept calling it all. weekend. long.) for an overnighter, staying again at a Homewood Suites, which I would totally recommend (again) to anyone traveling with kids. The weather was great Friday and then craptastically awful on Saturday... as one would expect for Seattle... and Spring Break.

Josie did awesome both ways in the car (as did the big kids), even taking a nice long nap on the way home. She stayed awake the whole trip up on Friday, though, as she toys more and more with the idea of dropping her nap altogether.

And now for the obligatory photos:

{Sealing our fate as parents of the year, we stuck Josie in the kitchen* for this trip (as opposed to the bathroom during our last trip). Hey, you gotta at least give us credit for thinking outside of the box!}

{Proof that the poor children did not in fact travel unattended}

*A little while after we put Josie down for the night, she started fussing more than usual, like something was actually wrong. When Andrew went to check on her, he realized that she'd managed to turn the dishwasher on from her playpen! Better than turning the stove on, which I was slightly worried about at first (luckily, the knobs were on top of the counter and I made absolutely sure it was impossible for her to reach anywhere near them before I put her bed in there--I do take some precautions here and there, every once in a while).

spring break, day three{timber!}

Before:

See that tree there? The one leaning precariously to the right? On the wires? Well, a couple years ago we realized after looking at old pictures that it didn't lean like that when we first moved into this house 9 years ago. Which led us to believe that it was in danger of falling down (no sirree, there's no fooling us!). Not wanting to waste any time (just a mere 24 months, give or take), we did the responsible thing and had it cut down, while the kids were home to watch of course.

During:

After:

wordless wednesday #19

spring break, day two{life's a beach!}

Everyone knows Spring Break just isn't Spring Break without a trip to the coast, so we headed westward today for a brief visit. I dragged my mom along because I couldn't bare the thought of three kids on my own... and thank goodness I did because Josie was having none of that crazy wind. While my mom and the big kids hiked up the huge sand dune in Pacific City, Josie was happy as a clam doing this:

Considering the fact that she had a whopping 10-minute nap the whole day, Josie did extremely well. For the most part she was satisfied with snacks, Elmo, and watching for animals out the window (more on those tomorrow). She finally drifted off to sleep as we rolled into the Tillamook Cheese Factory so I thought I'd send everyone else in for ice cream while I finally finished the last few pages of my book... but no such luck. Her sweet tooth got the better of her and lured her out of her slumber.

{very first cone ever--strawberry}

{mountain blackberry in a chocolate-dipped waffle cone}

{chocolate chip cookie dough in a dish}

spring break, day one{out of this world}

One day down, four more to go.

Technically, it's only 2:30 and the hardest parts of the day (pre-dinnertime, dinnertime and post-dinnertime) are still to come. But, the activity for the day is done and it was a huge success. We headed all the way out to the boondocks of Hillsboro to visit Out of This World Pizza and Play, at the suggestion of a friend. Seriously, there need to be more places like that... and closer would be nice, too. It was pretty cool--playstructures and inflatables galore! We met up with my friend from college, her 4-year-old and her brand new baby and I think everyone had a good time.

This video is really dark but I thought it was hysterical how Josie sacrifices Bear* (after one last kiss) to test out the slide for her. She insisted going down by herself but was still just a tad nervous at parts.

*I tried to get Josie to leave Bear in the car but there was no way she was going into the building without him. She did okay leaving him at the table while she played, but she kept coming back to check on him. As time wore on and she got more and more sleepy, she clung to Bear while playing in the baby area (sucking her thumb of course). At one point, she had him propped up on a rocking horse while she looked through a book about bunnies nearby. I snuck up while she was distracted and took Bear so she wouldn't lose him. The next time she looked up, there was a boy on the rocking horse and I could see that she was a wee bit concerned. I wasn't close enough to hear her but I could see her lean down and get right in the boy's face and ask "Bear Bear, Bear Bear?" Needless to say, she was very relieved when I brought him back over!

a bunny or a chicken?

This is Josie's new favorite commercial. Actually, it's probably the only commercial she's ever paid any attention to and she's only seen it once, but she was so excited when it was on that I had to post it here so she can watch it all the time. Nothing says happiness to a toddler like a bunny making chicken sounds!

Two more random bits: When we left the house today, there was a white cat in our neighbor's yard and Josie immediately yelled out "RABBIT!" (an easy mistake to make). And further proof of her increasing vocab (and inability to consistently put all the words together properly, as of yet), she was rambling on and on about Cayden this afternoon when she blurted out "Cay Cay on crack!" I swear she did not hear that from me.

life resumes

Some highlights of the week that was:

• Warm enough temps for an evening walk and berry shortcake (Cayden's very favorite). While I was making it, he just assumed that it was for an auction meeting... which made me feel like a really bad mother.
• Not one but two movies. Watched at home, but that's okay. Religulous yesterday, followed by Changeling today. Both were good in their own way, despite the fact that I'm not a huge fan of Bill Maher or Angelina Jolie.
• Finally getting to read a pre-published novel written by my friend Colleen. I was waiting until I was free of some other obligations, which was smart because I seriously cannot put it down. I'm almost done and you should all buy a copy when it's available at Powell's.
• Watching Cayden get his 3rd and 4th tips for his white belt yellow stripe. This means he can take a pre-test in 2 weeks, and possibly become a yellow belt by his birthday! He broke an inch-thick board with a front heel kick (or something) in one try. And claimed it didn't even hurt.
• Potentially finding the girls' flower girl dresses. On sale. With a 20% off coupon on top of that. I had to pinch myself. I actually ended up getting 2 different styles because who can resist two sets of matching dresses that are all on sale? Not me, that's for sure. Now if I could magically find something for Cayden to wear, I'd be happy.

Next week is Spring Break, which I've been looking forward to and dreading at the same time. I'm trying to remember the lesson I learned last year and set really low expectations. No huge spring cleaning to-do list or plans to keep the kids ultra-entertained. If we manage to keep from strangling each other out of boredom and/or stir-craziness, that will be a success in my book. Most of the kids' friends are going out of town (what a novelty for people to actually plan ahead like that!) so it'll just be the 3 of us much of the week. I should really try to come up with some plans. Tomorrow.

cheese is good{but i don't know if it's that good}

wordless wednesday #18

we've been twinkied

Take a look at the sweet St. Patty's Day surprise that a couple of leprechauns left for us in the wee hours of the morning! Between you and me, I can't even imagine who would waste their time on such a childish prank. Don't people have better things to do (she asks sarcastically)?

Truthfully, this was a retaliatory attack. The whole story started about 3 years ago when Andrew and I dared to leave a school-sponsored disco party (don't our kids go to the best school in the world?) and opted for a movie instead. Our friends didn't approve of that decision so they punished us by TP-ing our house. There have been several TP incidents since then, involving a total of 5 couples... and this past Saturday seemed like a natural time to strike again. After the auction, 6 of us were planning to "twinkie" another couple's house after the auction but the 2 other couples (are you following all of this?) chickened out because it was "raining" and they were "tired" and some of them had to get up "early" to run in a "race." Excuses, excuses! So, Andrew and I took it upon ourselves to twinkie all 3 of their front yards. We figured all of their kids would be thrilled to arrive home to cream-filled cakes everywhere!

After all that, we were not at all surprised to find our yard filled with twinkies (and ding dongs!) this morning. Josie thought it was great... she looked out the window to see all the "flowers" and has been asking all day, "eat cake plants?" She doesn't quite get it--are they or aren't they plants and more importantly, are they are or aren't they edible?

Proudly setting a good example for the next generation...

Stay-at-Home Dad

Another day at home with Josie, another reminder of why I would make a terrible stay-at-home dad.  I enjoy hanging out with 2 year olds, but talk about repetitive.  Josie's favorite activities consist of watching videos of herself, watching Sesame Street, having me attempt to draw pictures of her favorite Sesame Street characters and stuffed animals, and eating unhealthy snacks.  When she's not participating in any of the above activities, she is begging to participate in one of the above activities.  It takes a great effort to distract her (for instance, by running into the next room shouting, "I'm hiding!"), and the distraction is usually quite fleeting.

At one point, however, Josie dragged me into the basement, handed me one Wii controller, took the other, pointed at the TV, and said, "Play?" while shaking her controller vigorously.  I couldn't bring myself to play video games just to entertain my toddler, but it was tempting.  I did appreciate her efforts to connect with me, guy-to-small-female-guy.

Tomorrow I go back to my day job, mostly for Josie's sake.  I'm sure she would love to hang out, eat chips in the basement, and have me teach her to play Super Mario Kart (and Cayden would no doubt like a new opponent), but I'm not sure that's best for her long-term development.

adrenaline

It's almost 4:00 in the morning.
I can't sleep.
I'm really tired.
We canceled our satellite TV service a few days ago.
That seems like a really bad idea right now.
We don't get the cable hooked up until Monday.
I wonder what's on TV right now.
I wonder where the power cord for my laptop is.
I hope I didn't leave it at the auction.
The battery on my laptop is almost dead.
I wonder who took the credit card terminals home from the auction tonight.
I hope someone did.
I think I was supposed to.
But I didn't see them anywhere when I left.
I wasn't really looking for them because I forgot that I (maybe) was supposed to take them.
I was supposed to tell the winning bidder of the dessert-a-month package that there were bamboo stakes in their cake and to be careful not to stab themselves in the mouth.
I forgot to tell them.
I think I forgot to do a lot of things tonight.
I was trying to remember too many things.
The kids are not staying here tonight.
I can sleep in as late as I want in the morning/afternoon. :)
That is, if I ever fall asleep.
At 11:00 this evening/last night, I think I could have curled up on the floor and fallen asleep in about 30 seconds.
Now I just feel too antsy for some reason.
Someone gave me some "headache medicine" at about 12:30.
Right after the best burger I've ever had.
I'm wondering what that pill really was.
I am really, really bad at American Idol karaoke.
Apparently my husband is not nearly as bad as I am.
To my credit, I was playing against people with a lot more experience.
And I didn't know a couple of the songs that I was supposed to sing.
Does everyone really know the song "Pinball Wizard"?
I have never heard of that song in my life.
Maybe if I heard the non-karaoke version, I would remember hearing it.
I should listen to it now, since I can't watch TV.
Watching TV usually helps me fall asleep.
Cayden's last futsal game of the season was today.
I couldn't be there because I was setting up for the auction.
Andrew couldn't be there either.
He had to go with a friend.
I hope that didn't scar him for life, that neither of us were there.
He didn't seem to care.
He probably preferred it that way.
It was the last game and no one coordinated a party or a gift for the coaches.
I'll look into that another day.
Maybe in a few days.
I updated my Facebook status for the very first time today.
I'm not sure I'm convinced that anyone would ever care what I'm doing right this very minute.
That's why I don't think I will ever use Twitter.
Maybe I can sleep now.
I think I'm going to try.

today's the day

{not surprisingly, this ad looks much better in person without all the details cropped out!}

Maybe I've forgotten to mention it (kidding, kidding) but our big auction is tonight. The fun starts in 7 hours, 45 minutes. Unfortunately, the work starts earlier... in 3 hours, 45 minutes to be exact. This has definitely been a bigger undertaking than I ever could have anticipated. Luckily, I had the best co-chair who handled all the night-of details, kept her bridal blog updated daily and broke her foot during this whole process. I think if she hadn't been there to plan with, problem-solve with and occasionally gripe with, I would have lost my mind.

The whole process has been a great learning process--I learned a lot about what kind of people I work well with (normal ones) and what kinds of people I don't work well with (undependable ones and/or perpetually negative ones). I'm sure there will be some glitches tonight, but that's half the fun of it. It's kind of a miracle that the whole thing even happens every year in the first place. It's planned from beginning to end with a bunch of volunteers who have jobs and families and lives...

Okay, enough procrastinating... it's time to get ready. Wish us luck!! See lots of you tonight!

"ALL BY SELF!"

Another testament to Josie's growing independence, this has become her favorite new expression. It's impressive (maybe just to me!) that she even knows the two proper contexts in which to use it. Yesterday morning, the first time I heard her say it, she used it in reference to the fact that no one else was home (besides me, but I'm boring to her). Right when she woke up, she was saying "Sissy school; Cayden school; Daddy work. ALL BY SELF!" Then later in the day she started hauling all of her blankets out of her toy box, yelling "I did it! ALL BY SELF!" She always put express emphasis on the ALL BY SELF part... obviously very important for her to let everyone know.

wordless wednesday #17

things to look forward to....

Is it seriously only Monday? Cayden had tae-kwon-do this evening (which he also has on Fridays in the same building, different room) and I was so confused because I was sure he was going into the wrong room. There was no way I could be convinced that it was only Monday. Yeah, today was a long day. To say the least. Last week was definitely the calm before the storm, as far as this auction goes. I was feeling so good about the status of everything, like I had all my ducks in a row. And then today rolled around.

Not that things are even close to being out of control by any means... it's just gotten to be crunch time so all those last-minute things that really have to wait until the week of need to be addressed now. All at once. And Josie woke up with a fever and a non-stop runny nose. Poor girl has had this bug twice now. So all that made for a crazy day of non-stop phone calls and emails about everything under the sun... all while Josie whined to watch more videos of herself (at least she's easy to please). Tomorrow should be better because the catalog is now officially at the print shop and the bid sheets are 90% ready. But I'm looking even farther ahead, to all the things I want to do when life returns to some version of normal:

• sitting in our living room chair that's been covered in donations that are waiting to be cataloged (with a small living room, we need all the seating we can get!)
• taking a long hiatus from email (I say this every year and it never happens but I want to be able to check it when I want to, and not feel like I have to check every 3.57 seconds just in case)
• our (possibly kid-free?) trip to San Francisco in June to watch my dearest childhood friend get married
  
• our steal-of-a-deal week-long beach trip that's already been paid for!
• actually spending real time with my kids, and not feeling like I'm sacrificing anything to do it
• warm(er) weather--the snow was fun for a minute or two in there but it's getting a little old
  
• Joe & Julia's wedding in July
• dress shopping for Joe & Julia's wedding
• Spring Break
• Cayden's birthday, quickly followed by Josie's birthday... then Avery's birthday not long after that

I'm sure there are lots of other things if I thought about it for a minute... but we're just about to head out to the bowling alley (AKA auction venue) for a run-through meeting. At 9:30 at night. Isn't that insane?

Josie's First Podcast

22 months, which is frighteningly close to 2 years

Don't ask me how this happened so fast, but Josie is 22 months old today. I had to stop and actually redo the math in my head because I thought for sure I'd made a mistake*. In my mind, 22 months, for all intents and purposes (which I thought was "intensive purposes" until I was about 25), might as well be 2. Which is kind of scary. Not that it's scary to have a 2-year-old (she's been 2 in spirit for a long time now)... just scary to witness someone growing up so fast.

When I look at Josie, I don't really see a toddler anymore. I see a short, mini-adult who has a very limited vocabulary. She doesn't like to be carried or to accept much assistance at all... and honestly, she's pretty capable of doing a heckuva lot of things (at least half-ass) for herself. Who knows if that's because she's wildly independent and self-sufficient by nature or because she just does what she has to do to keep up as the smallest member of a crazy, busy family of 5.

Either way, it's thrilling to watch Josie grow more independent each and every day. A wee bit sad at times... but for the most part it's just exciting.

*I also was thiiis close to having to dig out my calendar because my groggy brain couldn't remember if Josie's birthday is May 7th or May 9th. And now you will please forget that I mentioned that.

As I was changing Josie's diaper earlier today, she insisted on bringing her water bottle along to the changing table... just for fun I'm sure. Despite the fact that I told her it would spill if she tipped it down to try and drink out of it, of course she had to try it anyway (I'm sure if I'd just kept my mouth shut she wouldn't have bothered). Sure enough, water poured down her chin & neck and onto her shirt.

At that point she looked like the victim of serious insult or injury and yelled, "OH NO! It spilled on my necklace!"

wordless wednesday #16

just sick

We are each fighting a cold with all our might here at the Wagner house. Well, except for Avery who's been sick less than a handful of times in her whole life (seriously, she never even had a tiny cold until she was 2... immune system of steel). I totally get that there's ever a good time to get sick, but this is arguably one of the worst times. We've all got projects & to-do lists and stuffy noses & fogged up brain cells are really getting in the way of those.

Cayden's been hit the hardest so far. He missed 4 days of school last week with symptoms that did a really good job of mirroring his mono from the fall. If he hadn't already missed so much time last week, I would have kept him home today... but if I'm being totally honest, I just couldn't deal with his bad attitude anymore.

As for Miss Josie, she's just got the run-of-the-mill runny nose (which is a bad combination with all that hair, but I'll spare you the details). Someone remind me when kids learn to blow their own nose? I'm hoping it's soon. At 10:30 this morning, she raced up to me with her blanket and Bear and proclaimed that she was ready for her nap. Since she usually goes down from 12-2, I was not at all convinced that she would actually go to sleep. But after 15 minutes of silence, now I'm jumping ahead to the very long afternoon/evening we're all in store for with a super tired girl.

Hmmm. I'm just starting to realize now that this post has no point at all. Just a little bit of complaining. Riveting as ever.