the wagners five

As everyone in the world apparently knows by now, there was a shooting at a mall here in Oregon on Tuesday afternoon.  The mall is about 10 minutes from our house, and we shop there about twice a month on average.  I had been there that very morning, trying to tie up about a million loose ends before Avery left town.  The store I needed to visit was inexplicably closed so I got frustrated and ended up going to a different location, making that morning's mall run about six minutes in length.

When I heard about the shooting, it honestly didn't register at all.  I was home with two of the kids when my mother-in-law called to make sure I wasn't there and to warn me to stay away.  We were getting ready for guitar and a swim lesson and a music concert at school and our last family dinner before Christmas and trying to get Avery & Andrew packed--basically, the busiest night ever.  I barely thought about the shooting, as awful as that sounds.  I heard the helicopters overhead but tried to avoid any TV or radio reports about it because I had the kids with me.  We were up late finishing the last of the laundry and packing, but I didn't even think to check the news.

The next morning we got up at 4 to go to the airport and I went about my day from there.  Cayden was home sick and I thought it would be a nice opportunity for him and me to go out to lunch, just the two of us, which never happens.  No surprise to me, he chose his favorite restaurant, which is in the Clackamas Promenade, directly across the street from the mall.  I gave zero thought to it and headed out, genuinely surprised to find the freeway exit barricaded.  When we circled back around from the next exit, I could see that the mall parking lot was empty except for a few dozen police cars.  As crazy as it sounds, it wasn't until that moment that it really hit me what had taken place.  There had been a mass shooting like you hear about on the news, but it was just a few miles from our house, at a place that we have been to countless times.

Cayden had heard a little bit about the tragedy on Tuesday night, but he asked a lot of questions at lunch.  How many people were killed?  Was the shooter a man or a woman?  What happened to the shooter?  Did any police officers die? 

And finally... Was it an accident?

That question confused me, but then I realized that the notion of someone going into a crowded mall two weeks before Christmas and opening fire is new to him.  He honestly thought that the shooter might have accidentally killed two people, injured one, and then killed himself.  I absolutely hated having to tell him that no, it was not an accident.  I didn't know the answers to most of his other questions, but I told him I would try to find out.  I wish I could keep him from ever having to know that anything like that ever happens anywhere, and especially 10 minutes from home.

As I've slowly emerged from the rock under which I was hiding, I've discovered that a friend from preschool was there with her two young children during the shooting, waiting in line to see Santa.  Another friend's son was working at a store adjacent to the scene of the crime, and had to barricade himself in a back room for several hours.  The only victim to survive is a teenager who also survived a fatal car accident this past summer.  One of the victims who was killed was a hospice nurse, dedicating her life to bringing comfort, tranquility and self-respect to the final hours & days of life--talk about an unfathomable irony.  The other victim who was killed had two children and appeared to be an all-around great guy.

I could go on and on. It's just so senseless, infuriating and way too close to home.